Saturday, May 21, 2016

Healing

 Right now I am sitting in my favorite chair, a warm, tall cup of liquid happiness is sitting beside me, and the sound of my hubby vacuuming out the two inches of dust that settled into my Jeep after a day riding trails with the doors off, is filling the air.
 
I feel blessed today. And happy. And content.
 
 
I am not going to lie, that has not been the case over the past month or so. I have been in such a funk mentally, it is not even funny.
 
Life has been very good. I am physically healthy. I lift weights daily, have very high energy levels most days, and hey! I even ran my first ever 5K two weeks ago.
 
I was even blessed to spend a weekend away with my hubby, at a gorgeous little B&B.
 
 
So why have I been in a funky mood?
 
Worry. Fear. And discontentment have plagued me.
 
 
I have been so worried and afraid of my cancer coming back (even after being told by the doctor, I am clear, and healthy, and have very a small chance of recurrence) to the point of making myself feel ill, and making others miserable around me.
 
Cancer took a lot out of me mentally. It took away my peace of mind, and days of not worrying about the future.
 
 
About two weeks ago, I broke down for about two days. Crying, and worrying, and even bitter anger erupted from me.
 
And I came to a realization. I needed healing.
 
 
I so desperately wanted my life to get back to normal after treatment ended last year, that I suppressed those feelings, and hid them away, until they just spilled over during an angry rage while exercising. (pretty sure anyone who drove by during that walk thought I had lost my mind with how I was waving my arms, yelling, and crying...)
 
 
I never gave myself a time of mourning. A time to miss what my illness brought and took away.
And for me that was wrong.
 
"When there is a fresh wound in your heart, keep it open until it heals. Air it out. Understand it. Dive into it. Be fierce enough to become it. If you ignore it, it won't be able to breath. If you ignore it, it will merely deepen, spread, and resurface later, wanting to release. And when later happens, it will hurt even more, because when later happens, you won't know what you're bleeding for. Remain with it until it clears, and watch the beauty pour into your openness. Remain open to feel lightness. Remain open to feel free." ~ Victoria Erickson
 
I should have allowed myself to cry over those losses. To mourn. To let GOD step in and heal my broken heart. Maybe if I had, the past few months would not have been so emotionally tumultuous.
 
 
GOD has been showing me it is okay to feel sad and even mourn what has been taken away from you in life. Our responsibility though is how we react to such losses.
 
"It's not the load that breaks you down. It's the way you carry it." ~C.S. Lewis
 
While I am by no means healed mentally from this disease, and it's gains and losses, I am feeling better about it.
 
 
I have even been transferring my nervous energy into making quilts for friends that are having babies, and for those in my church that have recently lost loved ones.
 
 
I am not 100 percent there, by any means. But GOD is at work, and I am doing MUCH better.
 
After you season of suffering, GOD in all HIS grace will restore, confirm, strengthen, and establish you. 1 Peter 5:10
 





Have you ever hidden a pain in your life to the point where it suddenly erupted and surprised you? How has GOD been helping you heal that pain?
 
Have a wonderfully blessed day everyone! Thank for stopping by!
Angel

Wednesday, April 6, 2016

Three Years Ago...


 
On this day three years ago, I married my best friend.
 
"My husband has made me laugh.
Wiped my tears.
Hugged me tight.
Watched me succeed.
Seen me fail.
Kept me strong.
 
My husband is a promise from our Father,
 that I will have a best friend forever."
-Timewarp Wife
 
Have a wonderfully blessed day everyone! Thanks for stopping by!
Angel
 
P.S. If you would like to take a stroll down memory lane with me, check out theses posts from that day.
 
 
 

Thursday, March 31, 2016

Happiness Does Not Depend On External Things

I discovered this quote today. And the LORD really spoke to my heart through it. I pray that it is a blessing to you as well. :)

"The truth is, that happiness does not depend on external things, but upon the principles and dispositions of the mind, and therefore, that happiness is as accessible to us in our present state as in any imaginable one.


Cultivate, therefore, happiness within. Seek it not in superior station, but in a contented mind.


 Endeavor to reduce your wishes rather than to enlarge your means.Guard against a roving mind. Make the most of present enjoyment and of actual possession, in distinction from the future and the imaginary.


Enter that school in which the apostle studied and was able to say, "I know both how to be abased and I know how to abound. Everywhere and in all things I am instructed both to be full and to be hungry, both to abound and to suffer need. I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.”
 

 Confide in the providence of your Heavenly Father, as concerned in fixing the bounds of your habitation.Trust Him, as engaged to make all things work together for your good.


Leave him to choose your inheritance for you, and then in the end, you will be able to acknowledge, "The lines are fallen to me in pleasant places. Yea, I have a goodly heritage."


 You will do well also to remember that this is not your rest; that you are only strangers and pilgrims upon earth and that, in a very little time, it will be a matter of indifference to you whether you have been poor or rich, splendid or obscure.


Seek after a well-grounded hope of heaven.
 
 
 This will reconcile you to any privations you may be called to bear upon earth, and should you even walk in the midst of trouble, this will revive you and you will be enabled to say, "I reckon that the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory that shall be revealed;
 

for our light affliction, which is but for a moment, works for us a far more exceeding and eternal weight of glory."~Rev. William Jay, Lectures on Female Scripture Characters, 14–16

Have a wonderfully blessed day everyone! Thanks for stopping by!
Angel
 

Wednesday, March 30, 2016

Wednesday, March 23, 2016

This Season Does Matter

 

Right now, my windows are open letting in a gentle breeze, the ringing of my wind chimes are filling my ears, the aroma of our supper of paleo meatloaf, baking in the oven fills my nose, and feelings of being very blessed for this life the LORD has given me, fill my heart.


I have talked recently about how GOD has me in a quiet season of life. And how HE is teaching me to be content in it.

The biggest way in which it has been so quiet, is how this is the longest amount of time, since I was 15, I have been without employment outside the home (10 months now since I worked as a K-3 teacher). Instead of working at a job daily, or a few times a week, I am now a full time wife, and homemaker.

It is most definitely a more quiet life. Instead of having my days and weeks laid out in front of me, and knowing exactly what to do, I have to myself create my days schedule.

And at times, praying to GOD to bring a task to my life, to fill the hours serving HIM.

I will admit, I have felt guilty at times for not having as busy and planned a schedule as some.

Especially when I am asked what I have planned for the week, and I reply back I am not quite sure.

And then hear them say back they wish they did not know what they had to do for the week.

Which in turn cause me to scramble and look for a job just to make myself look busy or important in their eyes, and ultimately not being content in where GOD has me right now.

Don't get me wrong, my days are BUSY. I can NOT stand to sit around. Ask anyone in my family.

The truth is, most weeks, I do not know what the days hold. Sometimes it is only cooking, cleaning, crafting, and reading. Other days it has me ministering and serving in the community, my family or church. And other days, it's realizing I do have spare time, to drive that friend who needs to go to town at the last moment.

Yes this is a quiet time in my life. And yes I am thankful for it.

It is teaching me to use the time wisely, and search out ways to help others.

GOD has been showing me, we are all in a different seasons of life.

Some of you may be single, going to school, or holding down a full time job.

Some are mothers, working incredibly hard to raise your children to love and serve the LORD.

Some of you may be like me. Married, no children, you may have an outside job, or not.

No matter the season we are in, so long as what we do is for the glory of GOD, and we know we are in HIS will for this time of our life, it does matter, and is important.

From wiping precious wet noses, writing papers, managing an office, sweeping the floor, making cards, or reading an informative book, your work is important to GOD.

HE gave it to you.

The creator and ruler of the universe gave you those seasons of your life.

Pretty neat thought, right?

GOD, maker the of seas, the sun, moon, and stars, appointed me to this place and season of life.

HE has not called me to find a full time job yet.

HE has called me to stay at home, take care of my husbands needs, cook meals, and clean our house.


Sometimes I am meant to read and learn on subjects that fascinate me and will be helpful, or sit and talk with my girls.

 
But mostly I pray HE guides me in ways to encourage those in my circle, and to be available to help and minister to any one that needs it.
 

Maybe it's not so quiet a season after all? ;)

What season of life are you in? Are there any lessons being taught to you from this season?

Have a wonderfully blessed day everyone! Thanks for stopping by!
Angel

Tuesday, March 8, 2016

Chickens Can Be A Lot Like Children

Justin's Valentine gift to me was a "Life is better with chickens around" tee, from Ruby's Rubbish on Etsy. And I LOVE it.
 
 
Once the shirt arrived, and it was a warm enough day to wear it, I decided it would be a wonderful opportunity for a self photo shoot with my girls.
 
And well, this photo shoot allowed me to see that chickens, are A LOT like children.
 
How are they like children? Well, because on most days, snapping a photo with them is an easy thing. They LOVE getting in my lap, or my shoulder.
 
 
 So long as it does not interrupt outside the coop time.
 
 
A.K.A. playtime
 
 
 
After a bit of coaxing...
 
 

I managed to get two of them to allow me to hold them.
 
 
As children do, one showed it's personality of being a complete camera hog...
 

 And the other tried with all their might to find a way to wiggle down to get back to those bugs she just discovered under that leaf pile...
 

 
 
Oh, and like children, jealousy may occur time to time in chickens...


But they are all loved equally. :)
 
 
Have a wonderfully blessed day everyone! thanks for stopping by!
 
Angel

Tuesday, March 1, 2016

The Little Blessings Are Well With My Soul

Today is such a beautifully sunny day. With temps in the mid 70's, all the windows are open and a light and gentle breeze is filling each room. :)

I want to thank each of you, who left encouraging comments on my last post. I have been feeling much better, and am pretty much out of that "funk" of feeling sorry for myself. GOD has been working in my heart, and I genuinely feel grateful for this quiet chapter of life.

Can I share some of the little blessings it has held the past few weeks?  Like...

 New muffin recipes and coffee to drink with said peanut butter banana chia seed muffins.
 
 
A new vanity plate on the Jeep, that makes me feel all big and bad... ;D
 
 
Days of driving in my Jeep with the top back, breeze blowing through my hair (extra biggg... happy dance for that fact), and enjoying a fresh manicure.
 
 
A visit with my old friend, Annabelle, my parents Jersey cow who I milked for 4 years.
 
 
And Chantal. One of two chickens I own, who live on my parents farm.

 
 
I had my first post chemo hair cut! And I am very seriously thinking of keeping this style, because I just love it!
 
 
I participated in a parcel swap hosted by Ashely at "Precious Moments". And adored each gift from Mrs. Barabara.
 
 
My Valentine's gift was another blessing found in the mail! A "Life Is Better With Chickens" tee.
 
 
And I attempted a photo shoot with the girls. (more of that on a later day)
 
 

And yesterday, my husband and I celebrated what might be considered our first courtship anniversary. Although it was 4 years ago. Anniversaries on Leap years are a bit confusing. :D

Yes, GOD is good, all the time. And all is well, with my soul. :)

What are some of the little blessing of your past week? Or have there been big ones?

Have a wonderfully blessed day everyone! Thanks for stopping by!
Angel