I'm sitting here in my favorite computer nook of my house, wrapped in a blanket, with an outstanding cup of coffee sitting beside me. I look outside the window, and I see my birdfeeder hanging, and several birds flitting back and forth to it, even with a light rain beginning to fall.
My workout for the day is done, laundry is caught up, 1 batch of laundry detergent has been made, the house cleaned, Bible reading is in, and 3 chapters in "Babies First Bites and Beyond" is done.
I've been reading quite a bit on parenting, child care, and pregnancy of late. Which is nothing really unusual for me. I was reading every book on the subject I could get my hands on before I was even in a courtship. :D
With rainy days, come contemplative days. And I can not help but wonder today, will the LORD bless Justin and I with children? And if not, can I be content in that fact?
I am going to be open and honest on here with ya'll. I hope you don't mind that. ;) I just feel like getting some thoughts out in the open air, to help clear the mind. Any who...
Before Justin and I were married, we talked about whether or not were going to use a natural means of birth control (Fertility Awareness Method, I am FIRMLY against the pill, with it's abortive, and hormonal effects).
We decided that we would. I'm not sure we had a great reason to or not. We just wanted to spend a year, getting to know one another better, before children. ( I am not saying children will cause a strain on a new marriage. I've known several couples become pregnant with months of being married, and they praised the fact it brought them closer together as a couple. I'm also not saying everyone should avoid pregnancy for a year, or more. This is just what we felt led to do in our lives )
Our one-year anniversary came in April of 2014, and we talked about whether we would stop trying to avoid a pregnancy or not. At that point Justin said he was ready to be a daddy. But I did not feel as if I was ready to be a mommy.
I was going through some health issues, and I was trying to resolve them through natural means (herbs, nutrition, etc.) Physically, I did not feel I was ready to become pregnant.
Justin was fine with that, and with his AMAZINLY patient self, said it was fine with him to wait until I felt ready.
By October, I was feeling as if my health was returning, and I caught baby fever.
When my cycle started that November, I asked Justin if he was still ready to be a daddy, and he responded with are you ready to be a mommy.. I said I was ready, and we stopped "avoiding".
I will admit I was terrified those days that led up to that first period. I just "knew" I was pregnant.
But, as GOD would have it, I was not.
And so it has been for my last 3 cycles.
I'm not worried about not being able to get pregnant at this point. I am however, in awe at the fact that, as a friend put it one time, sex doesn't mean a baby.
It is only GOD's hand at work in your body, when you and your husband are expressing love toward another, is what makes a baby.
Will I become pregnant as time goes on? I don't know.
Maybe GOD has other plans for mine and Justin's lives.
Would I be joyful if HE did not see fit to bless us? I'd like to say yes, but I know it would be hard.
I'm not saying it would be impossible to be okay with that. GOD has brought me through so many trials in my life. There are countless times I have made plans for the future, to have GOD show me that HE has something different in mind.
Giving up hearts desires are just plain hard. But, in the end, we can rest in the knowledge HE is in control of our lives, and only wants what is best for us.
For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, saith the Lord, thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you an expected end.
I fully trust the LORD with this aspect of my life. I just pray that if the LORD does not have children in my future, I will be able to trust in HIS grace, and wisdom.
What is the LORD teaching you to trust HIM about?
Have a wonderfully blessed day! Thanks for stopping by!