Tuesday, June 23, 2015

Of Being Told I Might Have Cancer


What would you do, if you went to your doctor, and after some testing, they told you might have cancer?

I know what I did.

I cried.

My dear friends, I am facing what might be the most terrifying storm of my life. Let me share.

If you have been reading this blog since at least the beginning of the year, you know that a New Year's goal I set was to find a naturally minded doctor. Someone that would listen to the concerns I have about my health, and not just write it off, and give me pill. I wanted someone to help me look at the problem as a whole, and possibly treat any problems with natural means.

About 2 weeks ago, after quite a bit of research, I found the name of a gynecologist, and really liked the reviews of her. I called to schedule an appointment, and the soonest I was able to be seen was this past Friday.

I made a list of all the questions and concerns I have had over the past year or so. Primarily dealing with not becoming pregnant easily, and concerns over thyroid health. I wanted to be ready, and hopefully get some answers.

Friday came, and I was feeling pretty optimistic. I walked into the office, signed in, and waited to be taken back.

My name was called and the nurse took my vitals. I was ushered to a room, and quietly waited for the doctor to come in.

She came in, we were introduced, and she asked questions about family history, etc.

She then asked if I had any concerns. I shared my list, and she gave her advice. She ordered a full thyroid panel to be taken, after hearing some symptoms I have been experiencing, and she then moved to the physical exam.

She came to the pelvic exam portion of the visit, and asked when I had last taken a pregnancy test. I told her the day before my period. She said my uterus felt enlarged, as if I was pregnant.

I told her the test was negative, and my period was very normal that month.

She then named off a few possibilities, but wanted an ultrasound done that day.

I was unable to be scheduled in for an ultrasound that day. So, I had to wait until Monday at 11:15.

Never has a weekend lasted that long.

You think of all sorts of possibilities when you are to told to wait and see what is wrong with your body.

Not only that, when it is something involving reproductive organs, you begin to think your dream of becoming a mother, will be snatched away from you.

My appointment came Monday. I was so blessed to have my mom and sister with me.

The ultrasound was done, and once again I had to wait for the doctor to get the results.

But not long.

The doctor called, and asked if I could come in that afternoon. And I did.

Sitting in the waiting room, waiting, and praying, I tried to remain optimistic. But it was becoming very difficult.

I was ushered to the room, and once again, waited for the doctor to come in.

She walked in, and the look on her face, and tone in her voice made my heart sink to the floor.

She asked if I was told anything at the ultrasound appointment, and I said no.

She then goes on to say, well, it was not your uterus that was enlarged, and she paused.

You have a baseball to softball size mass on your right ovary.

What she was saying did not sink in immediately. It did not seem real.

She then began to explain that the reason she thought it was my uterus is that the mass is so large, it has pushed my uterus and other organs back.

She then told me my only option is to have the ovary removed.

She explained that it would be best to have it removed via surgery, whether it is cancerous or not. It is just so large, it could rupture, and cause other issues.

I will not find out whether it is cancerous or not, until after the surgery.

During the surgery, the doctors will be able to test the mass immediately and determine if it is cancerous. If it is cancerous, they will immediately do a lymph node dissection, to ensure it has not spread.

There is a glimmer of hope in all this.

I have two aunts that had to have their ovaries removed, when they were my age, due to the same conditions. Their growths were not cancerous.

The doctor was relieved upon hearing this. She said this could just be a genetic issue, and nothing to worry about.

But right now, I am worried. No, I am terrified.

My life seems so dream like right now. Just like when I have nightmares. I want to wake up, as I have done so may times before to hear my husband comforting me, and his arms around me, saying it's okay, it's okay.

But it's not okay right now.

I have been sobbing off and on. And while my husband has been holding me and telling me it's okay, I am still terrified.

Will you pray for me?

I need prayers for comfort, grace, and peace.

I know GOD has a plan and a purpose in all of this. And HE will work out everything to HIS honor and glory.

Lord I need You, when the sea of life is calm
O Lord I need you when the wind is blowing strong
Whether trials come or cease, keep me always on my knees
Lord I need You, Lord I need You
Sometimes when life seems gentle and blessings flood my way,
I turn my gaze away from you, and soon forget to pray
But when the sky grows darker and courage turns to fear
My anxious voice cries upward with words You long to hear
 
Lord I need You, when the sea of life is calm
O Lord I need you when the wind is blowing strong
Whether trials come or cease, keep me always on my knees
Lord I need You, Lord I need You
Lord help me to remember, I’m weak but You are strong
I cannot sing apart from You, for Lord You are my song
Although I’m prone to wander and boast in all I do
Lord keep my eyes turned upward, so I depend on You

Angel

38 comments:

  1. oh Angel, I am so sorry to hear that! I am praying HARD for you and wish you all the best. Health scares are nasty at the best of times, but when they threaten our dreams, they're even worse! Lots of love from Scotland.

    ReplyDelete
  2. I'm praying for you Angel. What a terrifying thing to go through! How blessed you are to be surrounded by family and have a wonderful supportive husband to help you through this time. I will be praying for continued support, that the Lord would hold you close, and that the surgery and prognosis go as well as they possibly could. *Hugs*

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank-you for the prayers Amy! I do feel blessed beyond measure to be surrounded by so much family, and a sweet encouraging husband.

      Delete
  3. Oh my goodness! How very scary indeed! You are in my thoughts! When do you have your surgery?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank-you Kristi! I will be meeting with the oncologist early this week to schedule it.

      Delete
  4. Oh, sweet Angel, I will be praying.

    I remember back two years ago when I went to see a doctor about the small lump on my breast. When she told me it could be melanoma I spent the next several days before the small, outpatient procedure in so much fear, sorrow and worry. I praise the Lord, it ended up being something of no worry. But the emotional toll was huge.

    I will be praying for you. I will be praying for great peace, for a unconditional resole to trust in your Heavenly Father's great plan and for large amounts of laughter to come you way ... even on the hard days. I will pray that this trial brings you and your Husband even closer, let him hold you, encourage you and be with you. This will minister to your heart even when you feel like being left alone.

    I love and appreciate you!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Oh, thank you Frannie! I love and appreciate you! And what a blessing your scare turned out well. We are praying mine will be the same, but if it not, I do have peace that it is in GOD's hand, and HE will not leave me. :)

      Delete
  5. Will differently be praying for you!! Remember that whatever happen's you are in God's hands! Hugs!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank-you for praying Megan! It is very assuring to know that no matter the outcome, it is in the Creator's hands. :)

      Delete
  6. Praying that the Lord watch over you and all those taking care off you

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank-you for the prayers! I know GOD is taking care of me, no matter what. :)

      Delete
  7. Oh, dear Angel, we are lifting you up to the Lord in the only way we know how! Try to remember that the chances of God blessing you with children has never changed and won't change even after the surgery! There are no statistics that measure His grace and love, He gives freely in His timing! You have been a wonderful blessing in my life. I pray the Lord gives you extra strength and courage during this trial. Love, Jordan

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. YOU have been such a blessing in my life Jordan! Thank-you for praying. And HE is giving strength. :)

      Delete
  8. I am so sorry, Angel! My heart goes out to you and I will be praying for you.

    If you are only having one ovary removed I want to encourage you that it is still possible to get pregnant! My mom had lots of issues...she was trying to conceive for seven years before she got pregnant. Eventually, like you, she saw doctors to find out what was wrong and she had to have an ovary removed also. The doctors told her she would never become pregnant, but she continued praying and she was able to have me and my brother.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank-you for praying Tiffany! What an encouragement it is to hear of others who have had the same procedure done, be blessed with children. It shows GOD is in control, no matter what. Thank-you for sharing that. :)

      Delete
  9. I love you baby girl! GOD will get you through this. HE is so good and ever to be praised! I M SO BLESSED TO HAVE YOU AS MY DAUGHTER. Hold on to GOD and HIS promises and hold on to Justin when the tears come. HE has blessed you mightily with that Husband of yours!

    MAMA
    Matthew 6:33

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I love you! HE has blessed me WAYYYYY.... beyond what I deserve. :)

      Delete
  10. Thinking and praying for you, as you go through this difficult and frightening time.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank-you Emily. Keep on praying!

      Delete
  11. {{{{Hugs}}}}

    I love you, and I will be praying for you. God loves you so much - your pain is His pain, your worries are His burdens, and your dreams and longings are precious to Him. He is right there with you, holding you tenderly in His arms. Thank you so much for being willing to share such a personal and profound situation with us so we can lift you up in prayer - I will definitely be doing so in the days and weeks ahead. May the Lord grant you rest and peace, lift the weight of fear off your heart, and give you and Justin the faith to hold onto Him safely in the midst of this storm.

    Let us know anytime if we can pray for anything specific for you, physically, emotionally, or spiritually. If you need a space to rant or vent and want to come here, we'll listen without judging, just like we would in real life.

    Abba, show Yourself mighty in Angel's life during this trial!! See our heart-tears and hear our prayers, and bring her and her husband comfort and rest from this struggle!

    Sending love your way,
    Vicki

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Oh Vicki! Your words and prayers have been a comfort. And it is such a blessing to be able to come here, and share prayer requests, and KNOW that you, and others are so willing and ready to lift them up. :)

      Delete
  12. Hi Angel
    You are loved by the Almighty God in Heaven,If he cares for the sparrow,he will certainly care for you:O)) Cast all your cares upon his shoulders,he will carry you sweet Angel Lady!!!
    I read your blog nearly everday.Iam always encouraged and blessed:O)) Iam praying for you and your beloved,and your family during this difficult trail. May God give you peace that passes all understanding and guard your hearts and minds in Chrsit Jesus!!!!
    Loveand prayers! Nancy from IOWA!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank-you for praying Nancy! And HE has been answering yours and others prayers. HE has given a peace that passes all understanding. And it's a blessing to know you receive a blessing from reading this blog. :)

      Delete
  13. I am so sorry to hear that Angel! I will be praying for you and your husband that God will give you strength and His peace. :)

    Love,
    Ashley

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Than-you Ashley! HE is giving both strength and peace. Keep praying!

      Delete
  14. Praying for you Angel! Romans 8:28 And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good,[a] for those who are called according to his purpose

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank-you for praying Madeline! That is a promise I am clinging to more and more. :)

      Delete
  15. Angel, we'll keep you in prayers. Also if you need anything please let us know.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank-you Brad! Prayers are what we need most now.

      Delete
  16. oh Angel you are in my prayers. I can't imagine how hard it is and pray that God's grace, life and peace will be near you!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank-you Charis! It's much harder than I thought it would be. But knowing so many are praying, has been a huge comfort. :)

      Delete
  17. Angel,

    I am sorry to read that you got this shocking news. I have prayed for you and will continue to keep you and your husband in my prayers. God is in control and He loves you.

    I pray that your surgery goes well, that you receive good news afterward, and that you have a smooth and speedy recovery.

    God bless,
    Sarah in GA

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank-you Sarah. Good news and a speedy recovery are what we hope the most for.

      Delete
  18. God is the Master Physician. The doctor has declared several things over me but God said Other things! Angel, rebuke every illness, disease, that comes out of the doctor's mouth and remember that God has the final say so ALWAYS!!!!

    3John 1:2 and God says in His Word in Isaiah 33:24, "The inhabitant will not say, I am sick." Therefore I will not say it. I will say what God has said in His Word, "By His wounds I have been healed." (1 Peter 2:24)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. AMEN! GOD does have the final say in our lives, not man. :D

      Delete
  19. I'm so sorry!! I can't imagine what are you feeling right now, I will definitely pray for you!
    Hugs!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank-you Valeria! Just keep the prayers going up.

      Delete

Well hello there! Thanks for stopping by! I LOVE to hear from you all out there. Just please remember to keep everything kind and Christ-like. In the words of that wise papa rabbit, "If you can't say something nice, don't say nothing at all". :)