Thursday, November 5, 2015

Contentment, and Not Being a Mommy

Justin's Sweet Niece
Right now, I am sitting in my favorite cozy corner of my living room. I have a soft, fuzzy blanket on my lap, a tall mug of liquid heaven (aka coffee) on the table beside me, a pumpkin cream candle burning, and the soft sound of Yiruma is playing in the background.

It has not been too busy a day. I have the house cleaned up, a weight lifting session done, and a list wrote out of all the things that need to be accomplished in the coming days.

Life has been very different of late. I look back to the days of last November, and they have changed so much from these current days. This time last year I was dreaming of holding a little "Justin" on Thanksgiving.

Never in my wildest dreams did I think I would be recovering from cancer, and facing the fact I may never be able to have children of my own.

I have not been told children are an impossibility. The odds are more stacked against me now though. And if we do try and become pregnant, it won't be for a very long time. ( not until any lingering chemo is gone from my body)

Most days, I do not even give it a second thought. And I truly feel so blessed to just be alive, and as healthy as I am!

And there are some days, I am brought to tears at the thought of never being able to be a mommy.

I guess those times happen more often when I see a baby at church, see a mother chasing after her child, or am surrounded by pregnant ladies at Whole Foods (weird, but it happens quite a bit there...).

Once again it has been a lesson in contentment, and desiring and seeking out what GOD has in store for me this very moment.

You think I would have learned that lesson by now...

I believe the LORD is using this time, to teach me to seek out ways to encourage others. In particularly those who are sick.

I also believe GOD allowed cancer in my life to show me another world. The world of those who are sick and going through trials. A world of people that need encouragement, and someone to reach out and say "I care, because I know how it feels".

I never would have known this world had I become a mother last November.

Becoming a mother may not be GOD's plan for me. I cannot know that for certain right now.

I do know for certain that GOD does have a plan for these mostly quiet days. And my job is to seek it out, and follow it with a joyful, thankful attitude. :)

What is the LORD teaching you these early November days?

Have a wonderfully blessed day! Thanks for stopping by!

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  1. Just wanted to let you know that I know of a young woman that I think had chemo during her first year of marriage and is now a mother of four, so don't give up hope! God is still able!

  2. Angel, my sister, thank you so much for continuing to be honest about this very personal, very womanly struggle. I don't have any words that could make your pain go away; but I can let you know that I love you dearly, and remind you that God not only has every year and decade of your life under His gentle control and supervision, but also every week, every day, every hour, even every minute. He knows your heart's desire and He will honor it, whether it is in the traditional role of mother or through some other way that only He can know. You are a beautiful, graceful, shining light and you bring so much glory to Him every day, just exactly as you are!!

    Hugs to you, dear sister, and may God grant you peace and joy in the midst of the wondering.

    Lots of love,


Well hello there! Thanks for stopping by! I LOVE to hear from you all out there. Just please remember to keep everything kind and Christ-like. In the words of that wise papa rabbit, "If you can't say something nice, don't say nothing at all". :)